Sunday, January 31, 2010

Sunday Salon 1.31.10


I have been missing posting on my blog and visiting other blogs. I'm going to try and get back to posting again. And I have some book reviews that are almost completed although I haven't looked at them for a while. Hopefully I still remember the books so I can finish the reviews!

The "family emergency" I addressed the last time I posted is on going and I am still coping with it. That is mainly because it's about me. I'm alone here now because my husband was arrested, something that is very difficult to admit and embarrassing. But it is what it is. There's more to the situation but the bottom line is that I am alone now and have to figure out what I'm going to do. I am a 42-year old woman and I am disabled with a rare bone and endocrine disease and several lung conditions including pulmonary hypertension and asthma. One of the symptoms/side effects of the bone disease is chronic pain and I am also on oxygen 24 hours a day because of the pulmonary hypertension. The progression of one condition and a new diagnosis meant I had to stop working in 2001. Six months later I started receiving social security disability (SSD) once a month. I don’t have any other money besides the $1065.00 I now get monthly from SSD. I have been spending most of my time this past month researching and making phone calls to find out what kind of assistance I can get with paying my rent, food, etc. As far as public assistance goes, I am entitled to about $31 in food stamps every month. That’s it.

It’s difficult to stay focused some days. I feel useless, embarrassed and ashamed sometimes. I especially feel this way when I call places like social services and the person on the other end of the phone tells me I get a lot of money and sounds bored or annoyed with talking to me.. When I ask them how I’m supposed to pay my rent and support my self on $1,000 a month they just say “I don’t know”. There really isn't much in the way of resources for people in situations like mine. I see many websites that promote the independence of the disabled or "talk" about the independence of the disabled but there doesn't seem to be a lot of actual, tangible assistance to make independence a reality for people like me. I am not finished looking for assistance, making phone calls, writing letters etc. but so far it seems that to have adequate shelter, food, clothing etc. I have to be dependant on family which I don't have or married or independently wealthy?!! It's frustrating and humiliating.

I am willing to work, too. I haven't worked in nine years. And I have to bring my wheelchair to work, at least 4 oxygen canisters to make sure I have enough for the day, my medications and I would have to take Access-a-Ride to a job and back which can be an interesting experience! Working from home would be great but many of the opportunities are scams. These days I wish I had become a journalist or a writer instead of an attorney because I could be writing freelance or something like that!. I don't have a license to practice law now because to practice law in NY, a person has to take (expensive) continuing legal education classes to keep their law license in good standing. But I can assist an attorney, conduct research for a brief or something like that.

I am concerned about the cats. I don't want to have to find homes for even some of them although I am beginning to think I might have to. It's difficult for me to take care of so many of them by myself and they eat a lot! I love them all and feel for them. More than a few of them really missed my husband and it took them a few weeks to adjust. If I have to find a new place for some of them, I want it to be a nice new home. It keeps me up at night thinking I might have to call Animal Care & Control.

Despite all the distractions I have been reading a little bit. Some days I can't concentrate, some days I need the distraction. I was fortunate to receive
Eternal on the Water by Joseph Monninger from Barnes & Noble's First Look program. It took me much longer to read it than it would have under normal circumstances. But I didn't want to rush the book. I'm reading a terrific book Cowboy & Wills by Monica Holloway and just started One Amazing Thing by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni.

So that’s my story at the moment. I hope my post doesn't scare anyone away It's just what my life is about right now. If anyone has any advice, ideas or jokes, please share!

24 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry! I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. :0)
    Natalie

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  2. Oh, Amy, I feel just terrible! I wish there was something I could do to help you. I'm way behind in my emails because I was sick for so long, but I was getting concerned that you hadn't posted a new blog in a while.

    I'll be thinking of you.

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  3. Oh my gosh Amy, I cannot believe the turn your life has taken. You needn't be embarrassed, you did nothing wrong! I have no idea where you can turn, but if I can be of any help please let me know! You are in our thoughts!

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  4. So sorry you have all this stress to deal with in addition to your medical disability. Sometimes life is just not fair. Hoping some agency steps up to the plate to help out!

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  5. Amy, I am so sorry for your situation! You don't have to feel embarassed about something that is clearly beyond your control. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts, although I don't have much in the way of help or resources to offer. I do hope things turn around for you soon, though. *hugs*

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  6. Gosh, I wish I could say something sufficiently supportive! As far as advice, you have probably thought of this, but law firms where I worked were very willing to take on contract paralegal help. This practice was very welcome for women with young kids and no doubt in your situation also so you could stay home. Maybe if you contacted the local paralegal organization? I know you're over qualified, but it would be work and income and maybe a door to contract legal work?

    Definitely don't feel embarrassed about any part of what's going on! Just because we all mainly talk about books doesn't mean we all don't have all sorts of problems and unhappy things going on! Scratch the surface and there many of us will be, right alongside you in one way or another!

    I too will keep you in my thoughts and am hoping for the best!!!

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  7. Amy, I am truly sorry to hear of your current situation. I don't know about where you live but there are usually other kinds of resources & agencies that will offer you some kind of assistance so you can get squared away--something on a city or county level. I hope you find them and soon. I'll be keeping you close in my thoughts and wishing you the best of outcomes. Don't give up hope!

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  8. I'm so so sorry to hear about your predicament. I don't think you should feel ashamed or embarrassed. Things like this happen. I feel horrible that you are put in such a difficult situation. I wish I could offer you some concrete helpful advice but I don't really know what to say. It seems awful that the organizations that are supposed to be helping you are being so cold and unhelpful.

    Just know that I'm praying for you and sending you good thoughts. I hope things work out for you.

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  9. Amy, please don't feel embarrassed. I'll just echo what Rhapsodyinbooks said... my sister is HR director for a large legal firm and I know they often contract paralegal help. In the meantime, I'm sending good thoughts your way (((hugs)))

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  10. I'm very sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time (but as I hope you're seeing from the comments, you're part of a very supportive community!). I wish I knew something helpful to tell you, but it sounds like you're facing things and trying to move forward. One day at a time. I hope things start to get better for you soon!

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  11. I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time right now. I hope things get better soon. Take care of yourself.

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  12. Amy hello-I know I have not checked in on you recently sorry-I know this may sound hokey but Craig's List advertises for legal research, what about posting an ad in the Daily Journal and other legal newspapers-I am sure there must be different bar groups-what about contacting them to see if someone needs legal research-technically research is research-you could probably do research in any state.

    I hope things get easier for you. You did not put yourself in this situation.

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  13. Amy, I'm so sorry about your current situation. I hope things get better soon!

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  14. Amy, you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. It's so frustrating to think that there are so many people that scam the system and live well off it but when someone really needs help, it's so hard to find. I only hope that it will help to know that there are so many people are in your corner.

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  15. Oh Amy. I am so sorry to hear about the difficult situation you are presently in. It must be very tough. I wish I could fly over and bring all you cats back to a good home, so that you would know they are being looked after. I really hope things change for the better soon. Big hugs.

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  16. I'm so sorry to hear about your difficult situation. I can only imagine how hard things must be for you right now. I really hope that things improve for you soon *hugs*

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  17. Amy, I'm so sorry that through no fault of your own, you are in such a difficult situation. It really angers me that people in this country who really need help often have no where to turn. I hope solutions will be found and that things will improve for you. I will keep you in my thoughts.

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  18. Amy, I'm so sorry to read of your difficult situation. You're a wonderful person and deserve the best from life. I have faith that you'll receive some help and resolve soon. Please keep us posted on your situation. If there is something I can do please let me know. I'm in NYC.
    Thinking of you and sending you big hugs.

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  19. I'm hoping that perhaps someone you worked for in the past can provide you with work you can do at home. I'll pray for you.

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  20. Amy, can you rent out a room? Students are always looking for a room to rent.

    Please don't be embarrassed by your situation. I'm touched that you even thought to share it with us.

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  21. Amy - you CAN freelance write. You don't need a journalism degree to do so. You can get a job by pointing to posts here on your personal blog as clips. That is what I have done. The pay is nothing spectacular but if I had more time to work at it I think I could make a go of it. You have a great voice. Follow a few Freelance Writing Blogs where they post jobs and start applying.

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  22. Amy, just writing again to say to please keep us posted to how you are doing. I'm thinking of you and wishing that things are getting better.

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  23. Dear Amy,

    I truly hope that you know you are cared about and that we are all praying and rooting for you.

    You are facing challenges that you will defeat, please be strong and seek every avenue you can. As for him, it is not your fault nor your shame.

    You are a good and valued person and will succeed in life and in being happy again. Peace and love, xxx

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  24. Hi Amy!

    I am new to your blog but saw your comment on mine. I can not believe you are having to go through all this! I want to give you a huge hug and hope everything works out ASAP. I wish I knew something about public assistance to help out.

    NYC can be a tough place sometimes for getting the "system" to help out. We are dealing w/ our own issues, living in an apartment that is causing me huge health problems with my asthma and excema and legally we are stuck. Arg.

    I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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