~ The Sunday Salon ~

I haven’t posted a TSS post in a couple of weeks.   By the time Sunday rolls around, I feel lazy and restless.  I tend to find myself spending the day, if I’m home, reading the entire NY Times in bed and several cups of coffee or, like last week, getting lost in the fun of Pinterest.   It’s not as if I’m at a high-pressure, long hours job all week, as I know some of you are or have several young children demanding every minute of my time (unless you count the cats who  often seem a lot like small children!).  I think sometimes I just get a little tired or bored doing the same thing day in and day out.  Even with reading and it doesn’t matter what I’m reading.  I just realized this happens to me only in winter.  So maybe it partly has to do with knowing my chances of getting out of the house during these weeks of winter are pretty slim.  In the warm, sunny weather when I can get outside everyday if I want to, I don’t get this lazy, restless feeling.  I admit, to, during the winter months when I’m inside most of the time, I don’t always know what to write about in TSS posts.  Cute anecdotes about the cats and the weird videos I found on YouTube only go so far!  I wonder if this would happen to me if I lived in CA or GA.  Someday I’d like to move out of the city, maybe to somewhere a little more temperate.

I have some good cat stories for you.  I’m just holding off until I have some good pictures to go with them.  I have to work on getting photos online again since I couldn’t transfer what was on the old computer.  I need to update the cat pictures on my blog, too (among many other things!).  I have two new cats to tell you about, Oscar and Cecelia (Cee Cee).  Oscar’s a one-year-old (approx.) and Cee Cee is 6 or 7 months and getting fatter every day! We also feed and sometimes give temporary shelter to 2 or 3 other cats when it’s really cold out.  I’m hoping within a month to have the pictures ready…maybe sooner!

 On the book front, I started reading Maisie Dobbs by Jacqueline Winspear a few days ago.  It’s very different than I expected but I like it.  I’m also reading Wife 22 by Melanie Gideon for a book club hosted by Andrea whose blog is Great Thoughts.  I’m really enjoying Wife 22; it’s smart, funny, poignant and unexpected. I’m still reading The Burgess Boys by Elizabeth Strout.  I’m taking more time with this book because it doesn’t have a concrete deadline while the others do!

I hope you’re all enjoying your Sunday and reading a good book!

Aaaccckkk!

My head is spinning right now and I veer between maniacal laughter and hot, cascading tears. After many days of leaving messages at several different phone numbers, I finally received a call back from social services. It was another fast lesson in how to feel like less than a human being who matters. I won’t even go into detail over the attitude I got after asking a few questions! I asked specifically about a program written up on NYC.gov regarding a Rental Arrears Grant for individuals in the legal possession of an apartment who may or may not be on public assistance. Unfortunately I cannot find anybody who knows anything about this program. Every city employee I talk to calls it the "one-shot deal". Supposedly, because I receive social security disability every month, if I am given the money to help pay my back rent through the one-shot deal program, I will have to pay it back in a year! The social services employee I was speaking to told me to find a less expensive apartment. It’s not like I am living in luxury right now. I need an apartment on the first floor or with an elevator and no steps up to the building entrance. That’s not easy to come by in this city. When I asked her where and how to find this apartment, since I only pay $1,000 rent as it is, she told me she doesn't have any information for me. I said the least expensive apartment I saw listed was $800 and it was on the third floor without an elevator. Her reply was, “But you'd have $200 to live on!” Hello?! That won't pay for my monthly prescriptions, never mind food. And I cannot walk 3 flights of stairs every day or every other day....

I said this is ridiculous and humiliating. She said, “You have to find a family member or third-party to help you or get a roommate“. Ti, from Book Chatter, had this great idea and kindly suggested it. I wish I could but my apartment is a studio and the one room really isn't large enough to divide into 2. I said so my only option is to be dependant on someone else? Like I already said, this is humiliating and extremely demeaning. This phone was not a great way to start the day! I have to remind myself that I didn't cause my health problems although it certainly feels that way many days.
I am looking at different jobs and thanks to some of you, such as Willoughby and The Bumbles, I have some good ideas. But finding a job takes time which I don't have a lot of. I am really afraid I am going to end up on the street without a place to live. My life has been a struggle for most of the years I've been a live and I'm beginning to wonder if that will ever change. Some of the problem now, too, is that I don't really believe in myself anymore and I need that confidence. I need to believe I have the right to a good life. It's difficult when you're constantly battling for self-worth. But it ticks me off that I feel embarrassed and wrong to be looking for help, especially since I just need the help until I can get regular work. And I'm not going to be able to get that work if I don't have somewhere to live. Ugh!

I want to thank all of you who left kind words and/or great advice for me a couple of weeks ago when I wrote about what was going on in my life. I meant to reply to all of you and I will I just have so much going on in my end and so many phone calls and emails and research I feel I have to do but I’m also just trying to get through the days which isn’t always easy. Please know how much I appreciate your friendship. I know prior to now my blog was primarily about books and cats but now it’s going to be about my life, too. I realize I will probably lose some readers because of that which I am truly sorry about. But I think it’s important that people know how difficult life can be for disabled people in situations similar to my own and how little this great country of ours cares. If I can help to get the word out by posting my story here, I will.

Sunday Salon 1.31.10

I have been missing posting on my blog and visiting other blogs. I'm going to try and get back to posting again. And I have some book reviews that are almost completed although I haven't looked at them for a while. Hopefully I still remember the books so I can finish the reviews!

The "family emergency" I addressed the last time I posted is on going and I am still coping with it. That is mainly because it's about me. I'm alone here now because my husband was arrested, something that is very difficult to admit and embarrassing. But it is what it is. There's more to the situation but the bottom line is that I am alone now and have to figure out what I'm going to do. I am a 42-year old woman and I am disabled with a rare bone and endocrine disease and several lung conditions including pulmonary hypertension and asthma. One of the symptoms/side effects of the bone disease is chronic pain and I am also on oxygen 24 hours a day because of the pulmonary hypertension. The progression of one condition and a new diagnosis meant I had to stop working in 2001. Six months later I started receiving social security disability (SSD) once a month. I don’t have any other money besides the $1065.00 I now get monthly from SSD. I have been spending most of my time this past month researching and making phone calls to find out what kind of assistance I can get with paying my rent, food, etc. As far as public assistance goes, I am entitled to about $31 in food stamps every month. That’s it.

It’s difficult to stay focused some days. I feel useless, embarrassed and ashamed sometimes. I especially feel this way when I call places like social services and the person on the other end of the phone tells me I get a lot of money and sounds bored or annoyed with talking to me.. When I ask them how I’m supposed to pay my rent and support my self on $1,000 a month they just say “I don’t know”. There really isn't much in the way of resources for people in situations like mine. I see many websites that promote the independence of the disabled or "talk" about the independence of the disabled but there doesn't seem to be a lot of actual, tangible assistance to make independence a reality for people like me. I am not finished looking for assistance, making phone calls, writing letters etc. but so far it seems that to have adequate shelter, food, clothing etc. I have to be dependant on family which I don't have or married or independently wealthy?!! It's frustrating and humiliating.

I am willing to work, too. I haven't worked in nine years. And I have to bring my wheelchair to work, at least 4 oxygen canisters to make sure I have enough for the day, my medications and I would have to take Access-a-Ride to a job and back which can be an interesting experience! Working from home would be great but many of the opportunities are scams. These days I wish I had become a journalist or a writer instead of an attorney because I could be writing freelance or something like that!. I don't have a license to practice law now because to practice law in NY, a person has to take (expensive) continuing legal education classes to keep their law license in good standing. But I can assist an attorney, conduct research for a brief or something like that.

I am concerned about the cats. I don't want to have to find homes for even some of them although I am beginning to think I might have to. It's difficult for me to take care of so many of them by myself and they eat a lot! I love them all and feel for them. More than a few of them really missed my husband and it took them a few weeks to adjust. If I have to find a new place for some of them, I want it to be a nice new home. It keeps me up at night thinking I might have to call Animal Care & Control.

Despite all the distractions I have been reading a little bit. Some days I can't concentrate, some days I need the distraction. I was fortunate to receive Eternal on the Water by Joseph Monninger from Barnes & Noble's First Look program. It took me much longer to read it than it would have under normal circumstances. But I didn't want to rush the book. I'm reading a terrific book Cowboy & Wills by Monica Holloway and just started One Amazing Thing by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni.

So that’s my story at the moment. I hope my post doesn't scare anyone away It's just what my life is about right now. If anyone has any advice, ideas or jokes, please share!

Wonderful World of Books!

Of all the diversions of life, there is none so proper to fill up its empty spaces as the reading of useful and entertaining authors ~ Joseph Addison

My mom was an avid reader for as long as I can remember. She had a book with her whenever we left the house and, at home, there were books everywhere. She read classic literature, best-selling fiction, some historical fiction, biographies as well as art books, gardening books and cookbooks. I don't recall her reading much non-fiction. Mom was an english major in college and she also loved to paint in oils and watercolors. She passed her love of reading on to me (unfortunately, the sketching and painting gene doesn't seem to have taken hold...yet... I'm patiently waiting for it to bloom...still waiting... lol).

It's funny how things happen - my love of reading is a blessing and has saved me from boredom, fear, loneliness, sadness and so much more. A rare bone and endocrine disease present at birth necessitated I undergo yearly surgeries, often twice a year, from the early age of 4. The bulk of the surgeries occurred by my late 'teens with a smattering over the ensuing years until (so far) age 32. Growing up wasn't that easy (is it really for any one of us?! lol). I spent a lot of time alone and with adults, away from children my own age. When I was with children my own age, there were many activites in which I couldn't participate. Books saved me. I always had a couple with me and I was always reading. The doctors and nurses who didn't know me personally at Babies Hospital at Columbia-Presbyterian Medical Center, knew me as the girl who loves to read. My family, my friends, my mom's friends all knew that I loved to read and often contributed to my "stash"! lol Books took me away to different worlds, different lives and backgrounds, they let me learn about things I didn't know about, have adventures I couldn't have in my real life and they kept me company during, long lonely nights in the hospital, during a friends roller-skating party or any time pain, a bad dream or something else woke me up in the middle of the night. (I know books have done the same for many other people).

I read almost all of the books (except for the ones I wasn't interested in, such as books about vampires, monsters, some sci-fi) in the YA section of our library by age 13. My mom didn't know what to do. She didn't want to set me loose in the adult section of the library because she was afraid I would read books filled with sex! lol My mom didn't even want me to read "Are You There God it's Me Margaret? by Judy Blume. (I did, but I didn't tell mom and I definitely didn't tell her that Forever was passed around my 7th grade classroom with the "steamy" pages dog-eared! lol). Enter Agatha Christy, Phyllis Whitney, some P.D. James, among others. My mother believed these authors wouldn't go heavy on the sex scenes if they even had any in their books. I thoroughly enjoyed these books, they were riveting, exciting, sometimes funny and my soul wasn't tarnished! It was a win-win situation! A couple of years later my mom started giving me the classics to read - The Bronte Sisters, Edith Wharton, Hemingway and Faulkner. Of course, I majored in English (with an eye towards law school!) and would have been happy to study for another 4 years. I loved my english classes and wanted to take more!

That leads me to this list: The BBC think most people have only read about 6 out of 100 books on this list. How many have you read? I got this from Jessica at A BookLover's Diary (It's originally from Jaimie at For the Love of All That is Written)

If you want to, copy this list into your into your notes or blog and put an X next to the books you've read. Let me know what you've read and tell your book loving friends to c'mon over and check out this list!

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (X)

2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien ()

3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte (X)

4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling (X)

5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee (X)

6 The Bible (X)

7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte (X)

8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell (X)

9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman ()

10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens (X)

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott (X)

2 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy (X)

13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller (X)

14 Complete Works of Shakespeare ()

15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier(X)

16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien (X)

17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk ()

18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger (X)

19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger ()

20 Middlemarch - George Eliot (X)

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell (X)

22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald (X)

23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens ()

24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy ()

25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams (X)

26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh (X)

27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky (X)

28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck ()

29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll (X)

30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame (X)

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy (X)

32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens ()

33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis (X)

34 Emma-Jane Austen (X)

35 Persuasion - Jane Austen (X)

36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis (X)

37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hossein ()

38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres ()

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden (X)

40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne (X)

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell (X)

42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown (X)

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez (X)

44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving (X)

45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins ()

46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery (X)

47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy ()

48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood (X)

49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding (X)

50 Atonement - Ian McEwan (X)

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel (X)

52 Dune - Frank Herbert ()

53 Cold Comfort Farm ()

54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen (X)

55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth ()

56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon ()

57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens ()

58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley (X)

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon (X)

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez (X)

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck (X)

62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov (X)

63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt (X)

64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold (X)

65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas ()

66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac (X)

67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy ()

68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding (X)

69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie ()

70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville (X)

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens (X)

72 Dracula - Bram Stoker (X)

73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett (X)

74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson ()

75 Ulysses - James Joyce ()

76 The Inferno – Dante (X)

)77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome ()

78 Germinal - Emile Zola ()

79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray (X)

80 Possession - AS Byatt (X)

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens (X)

82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell ()

83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker (X)

84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro ()

85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert (X)

86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry ()

87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White (X)

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom (X)

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (X)

90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton ()

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad ()

92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery (X)

93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks ()

94 Watership Down - Richard Adams (X)

95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole (X)

96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute ()

97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas ()

98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare (X)

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl (X)

100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo (X)

I've read 66. Many I read in college and I've thought often about re-reading the classics and I will at some point. I'm also going to read several books on this list that I haven't read yet, like the Kite Runner!

Amy